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Our Doula

Supporting birthing women and the people they love!

When Opposites Attract: Understanding the Love-Fear Dichotomy in Birth

At the heart of childbirth lies two powerful forces—love and fear. I couldn’t think of a better way to kick off this blog post than with this dynamic duo.

The notion that love and fear cannot coexist is often rooted in the idea that these emotions represent contrasting states of being. 

Fear of the unknown is a potent emotion that can overshadow the anticipation of childbirth for both birthing women and birth partners. However, it’s important to note that within this uncertainty lies tremendous beauty, love and strength.

Let’s explore this interplay of energies and the impact these opposing emotions can have on the birthing experience.


  • Love - noun: love; an intense feeling of deep affection.

  • Fear - noun: fear; an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

Understanding Fear:

Fear in childbirth is not uncommon, the unknowns, the anticipation, and the potential challenges, all of which can cause feelings of uncertainty. However, acknowledging fear is the first step towards understanding it. By shedding a little light here, my aim is to work towards transforming fear into opportunities for growth and love.

So let’s take a moment to understand fear using the F.E.A.R. acronym. 





Understanding this acronym is key to unravelling the complex emotions associated with fear. When we fear childbirth, we often project our thoughts into an uncertain future, contemplating the "what ifs" and imagining various scenarios. This future-oriented perspective can actually intensify feelings of anxiety and apprehension. 

It's important to distinguish between perceived threats and the actual unfolding of events. During birth it’s important to focus on the here and now—the sensations, the sounds, the support team, and the gradual progression of labour— this can help diminish the power of fear. Techniques such as mindfulness, visualisations, deep breathing, and staying connected with a supportive birth partner can all be powerful tools for managing fear as it arises.

To learn more about the fear acronym, click the link below  < 60 second youtube clip by one of my absolutely favourite speakers  What is Fear? - Peter Crone - YouTube

Love as the Antidote:

In the birthing space, the significance of love cannot be overstated. By creating an environment of safety and trust, birth will unfold where love emerges as the antidote to fear. 

Central to understanding the duality of love and fear is the establishment of a robust support team. Partners, family members, trusted friends and healthcare providers play important roles in creating an environment grounded in love. Effective communication, empathy, and encouragement become the building blocks, offering the birthing woman the reassurance needed to navigate any challenges that may present along the way. 

May every birthing journey be guided by the strength that emerges when fear is replaced by the unwavering support of a loving birth partner and team by celebrating the connection between love and birth.


Curious to know about working with love and fear at birth?

Then you’re in the right place. The Partnered Birth Program is launching February 2024.

Pop your name on the waitlist and I’ll see you there. 


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